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Melissa's Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Good Things About Owen's New Arm:

  1. No diaper duty when Xanatos Jr. (Fox Jr?) arrives!
  2. He now has an unbeatble left hook.
  3. It makes a great excuse to ask Mozenrath what's under his glove.
  4. He has his very own pet rock that can go anywhere with him.
  5. He doesn't have to worry about getting shaky hands when he drinks too much tea.
  6. It's the perfect counterbalance for when he goes bowling.
  7. He can wear a black glove over it and go for that "Return of the Jedi" look.
  8. Talk about cool stories for the grandkids! (Why, Davy, when I was your age, we couldn't even afford to have arms!)
  9. He gets to run the fast-growing support group for "Physically or Genetically Altered Past and Present Employees." (Meetings held every Thursday at seven, or the first good updraft thereafter. Refreshments include tea, cookies, Valvoline, and *very* fresh pigeon. [see Top Ten Bad Things About Owen's New Arm])
    And the best thing about Owen's new arm is:
  10. Twice as many Owen figures on sale at Walmart for the holidays! (one with new arm, one with old)

Top Ten Bad Things About Owen's New Arm:

  1. Turning on the windshield wiper in the limo.
  2. Dialing numbers on his cellular phone.
  3. Forgetting about it and trying to scratch his nose.
  4. Golf is basically out of the picture. (On second thought, maybe this belongs in the other list!)
  5. So much for being the perfect British gentleman; when he eats, he's going to have to cut his food into pieces, *then* eat it. (Morag sez this is uncouth and that one should always cut off bitesized pieces as one dines.)
  6. The "Little Bunny Foo-Foo" song is a thing of the past.
  7. Spellcasting is going to become a lot more difficult (for the Owen-as-fay-and/or-Magus sect).
  8. One word: pigeons!
  9. Trying to explain it on a Worker's Comp form. ("Mr. Burnett, will you please describe *again* how your left arm turned to stone?" "It was a freak accident involving a microwave oven and non-dairy powdered creamer.")
    And the worst thing about Owen's new arm is:
  10. Being followed around all day by Xanatos and Fox singing, "Caught Between a Rock and a Hard Place."

Merlin Missy