"Quarryman"

To the song "Piano Man" by Billy Joel,
Lyrics by Batya "The Toon" Levin (with a little help from Patrick Toman)

It's just before dawn on a Saturday
The regular rabble sneaks in
There's a blond man at the podium
With a plan to fight monsters and win.

He says "Friends, you can call me Jon Castaway,
Keep Humanity Pure is our goal.
Just remember, it's not really genocide -
They're monsters, they don't have a soul."

Oh, la da da diddy da,
Da da diddy da, da da....
Smash us a stone, you're a Quarryman
Smash us a stone today
'Cause we've all got acute xenophobia
And it's either the gargs or the fay.

Now Vinnie there has a bazooka
And he'll use it on any foul beast
And courage he's got, and he's quite a good shot -
Well, he's good with a cream pie, at least

He says "Yeah, gonna get me a gargoyle,"
As the manic grin spreads on his face
"Mistah Cotta and me, you can count on us!"
(Keep an eye on him, though, just in case.)

Oh, la da da diddy da,
Da da diddy da, da da....
Smash us a stone, you're a Quarryman
Smash us a stone today
'Cause we've all got acute xenophobia
And it's either the gargs or the fay.

Now Art is a struggling businessman
And Lois, right there, is his wife
And he talks to a lady who has a small baby,
She says that she fears for its life.

And Jon Castaway's handling all of this
'Cause he knows of these creatures of stone
And he shares all our fears of unholiness
And he tells us that we're not alone.

Oh, la da da diddy da,
Da da diddy da, da da....
Smash us a stone, you're a Quarryman
Smash us a stone today
'Cause we've all got acute xenophobia
And it's either the gargs or the fay.

It's a pretty good crowd here, the Quarrymen,
And Castaway gives me a grin
'Cause he knows that we'll fight
all the demons of night,
And we're not giving up till we win.

And the hoods and the hammers unite us
And each one is a man among men
We will smash down our fears
as the flying dust clears
And we'll never be frightened again.

Oh, la da da diddy da,
Da da diddy da, da da -
Stand and be proud, you're a Quarryman
Stand with your friends tonight
'Cause we're tired of talking and apathy
And we're ready to take back the night!